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How to Handle a Personal Relationship at Work

Avoiding the Dangers of an Office Romance

By Leyman Publications

Do you work with the man or woman of your dreams? Or have the same employer as your spouse?

If you do – great! It can be a source of comfort to have a loved one around for moral support when you’re feeling stressed, or to help you to celebrate when you’re on top of the world. But can you avoid colleagues resenting or gossiping about your relationship? Or making accusations of bias or favoritism against you?

The workplace is a professional environment so, no matter who you work with, you’ll want to maintain that professionalism during working hours. In this article, we look at how you can preserve both your business reputation and your relationship. The website helps us understand how to work out what to do in this article.


How Common Are Workplace Relationships?

We spend a great deal of time in the company of our co-workers, and the pressure of working life means that we often form strong bonds with them. As a result, relationships are bound to develop, be they fleeting office romances, illicit affairs, longer-term dating, or perhaps even ending in wedding bells!

But remember, for every ultimately successful office romance such as a Barack and Michelle Obama or a Bill and Melinda Gates, there’s a Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinski!

lov A 2012 study found that the workplace was one of the most common places for people in the U.S. to meet their partners. But the proportion of relationships that begin at work has fallen sharply since 1990, as a result of the explosion of internet use.

The research shows that, in 2010, 10 percent of heterosexual relationships started at work, compared with 20 percent in 1990. Over the same period, the percentage of relationships that started online went from virtually zero to more than 20.

Identifying the Potential Pitfalls of Workplace Relationships

Personal relationships in a professional environment can, if you’ll excuse the pun, be a “hotbed” of thorny issues, particularly if one partner is a manager and the other is a member of his or her team. A 2016 survey by U.S. recruitment specialist CareerBuilder™ found that almost a quarter of people who had an office romance dated someone senior to them.

If a relationship does straddle the office hierarchy, gossip and envy may lead some co-workers to believe that it may have influenced promotions and pay raises. There are also issues surrounding confidentiality. For example, one partner may alert the other to a department reshuffle that may impact jobs on his team.

And there is the risk of collusion in roles where the “four eyes principle” is followed. This is where two people are required to sign off or approve an action, and it is common in some legal or financial roles, for instance. If those two people are in a relationship, it might impact their independence and integrity.

Also, more problems can arise if a workplace relationship comes to an end. If the split is acrimonious, the fallout could affect the mood and productivity of a whole team. And if things get really ugly, accusations of harassment could be made by one side or the other.


Even if it’s not illegal where you live, or against your employer’s policy, it should go without saying that “getting involved” with a co-worker while either one of you is in another, committed relationship will likely call your integrity into question, even in liberal workplaces.

Avoiding Workplace Problems Caused by Relationships

In an ideal world, we’d like to give the advice, “Just don’t do it.” However, the reality is that this kind of thing happens and people need to know how to handle it.

lov5If you are in a relationship with a co-worker, there’s plenty that you can do to avoid unnecessary stress or disruption for yourself and your colleagues. To keep things simple, in this section we refer to your “significant other” as your “partner.”

Here are six things to consider if you are in, or thinking about having, a workplace relationship.

1. Be Aware of Any Legal Obstacles

Workplace relationships can be subject to some draconian regulations. These can be national or state laws, or religious rules. Make sure that you research how these apply to your situation.

For example, the state of Utah in the U.S. has a Nepotism Act that makes it unlawful to “appoint, supervise or make salary or performance recommendations” for anyone with whom you have a “close, personal relationship.”

In some parts of the world, breaking local laws regarding relationships can have very serious consequences. For example, in the United Arab Emirates, it is illegal to live with a member of the opposite sex if you are not married, and expats need to be aware that this is punishable by imprisonment or deportation. And in some Muslim states, adultery can be regarded as a flogging or even a stoning offense.

2. Check Your Organization’s HR Policy

Even if the law where you live doesn’t forbid your relationship, or establish rules about it, some organizations have policies on workplace relationships. For example, some companies frown upon one partner managing the other.

As we mentioned above, legal and financial institutions and other highly-regulated environments may have rules about workplace relationships, to ensure that they don’t expose the organization to breaches of compliance, conflicts of interest, or inappropriate collusion.

The safest option is to ask your HR department if it has a policy in place, and to let your HR advisor know if you are in a workplace relationship.


lov2If you’re a manager or senior employee, you should think very carefully before dating a more junior person, or before putting yourself in any situation where there may be a real or perceived power imbalance. Whether your interest is welcome or not, you can end up being accused of harassment, and this can have a severe negative impact on your career.

3. Consider Your Company’s Culture

Even if it’s not written into HR policy, you need to get a feel for your organization’s cultural view on workplace relationships. You can do this by developing Cultural Intelligence , and by making an effort to understand the backgrounds, beliefs and attitudes of the people around you.

This is especially important if you are working abroad, or in an organization with a different culture to your own.

4. Talk to Your Partner

Chances are, your colleagues and co-workers already know that you “have a crush” on the redhead in the sales team or the hunk in the communications team, and they may already suspect that it has blossomed into a relationship!

lov3So, you have to decide with your partner how you’ll behave at work. Do you “come clean” and let your colleagues know what’s going on, or, as the CareerBuilder survey mentioned above reveals, do you join the 33 percent of workplace couples who decide to keep their relationship a secret?

You should discuss whether to have some boundaries at work, such as not spending too much time alone together, or agreeing not to use your “pet names” for one another. You can find other useful tips on setting personal boundaries in our article, Managing Friends and Family Members .

Of course, you need to agree on what approach you will take. It’s no good one partner making no secret of a relationship if the other is trying to “keep it under wraps!”

5. Stay Professional at Work

Even if your colleagues have given the “thumbs up” to your office romance and think you’re the best-matched couple since Romeo and Juliet, you still have to tread carefully.

lov4Indulging in in-jokes, private conversations, and public displays of affection can make your co-workers feel awkward. For example, if you and your partner are eating lunch together in the staff restaurant, other colleagues may not know whether you want privacy or would welcome the extra company. If you’re heading out for lunch with your partner, why not invite a few more people along? Even if they decline your invitation, you have made the offer, and that can go a long way to maintaining team harmony.

If you discuss business matters together – or, worse still, make business decisions – while your co-workers are absent, it will likely cause resentment. If you’re managing your partner, you need to be especially mindful of your professional interactions, and be seen to be extra careful to treat your other team members equally and fairly.

Having some sensitivity and empathy about how other people perceive your relationship can go a long way toward keeping everyone onside and avoiding inadvertently excluding anyone.

6. Be Prepared for Gossip!

Behaviorist and anthropologist Helen Fisher said, “As social animals, we need to exchange juicy tales about someone – to connect with one another. For millions of years our forebears must have sat around the campfire, whispering about everyone they knew.”

So, even if you rigorously follow the suggestions above, some people may be quick to make assumptions and to see favoritism or nepotism that’s just not there.

The key thing here is “be prepared.” Keep careful notes on any potentially sensitive actions or decisions that you have taken, such as any pay raises or promotions that you approve or recommend, and be scrupulous in speaking up about any potential conflicts of interest. This will provide evidence should you ever need to counter any claims of unfair treatment.

If you remain professional and fair in your workplace interactions and behavior, people will less likely concern themselves with your relationship.

What If the Relationship Ends?

You have to remain professional if your workplace relationship comes to an end, no matter what the reason.

This can be a difficult time for you, your ex-partner, and your colleagues, especially if you still have to work closely together. An acrimonious split can poison the atmosphere in the workplace, and impact productivity and morale.

If you manage your ex-partner, make sure that you don’t discriminate against her, or you and your organization risk being the subject of grievance procedures or claims of harassment or bullying. Don’t get involved in “muck-raking” or “washing your dirty linen in public,” even if your former partner does.

See our articles, Dealing With Difficult People and Managing Your Emotions at Work , for help with dealing with this situation.

If your workplace relationship has broken down acrimoniously, take some time to consider your reputation and, if necessary, how to rebuild it. No matter how polished your business patter, a messy feud in the workplace will almost certainly affect the way that you’re perceived by colleagues.

Key Points

Before worrying about the social implications of dating a co-worker, check your legal and contractual situation. If the law and your employer’s corporate policy allow it, and as long as you and your partner act ethically and professionally, you can minimize any resentment or unfair accusations of bias or preferential treatment.

Agree with your partner how to handle your relationship in the workplace, and make sure that you’re aware of any business-specific issues arising from your relationship. Use sensible measures to avoid any workplace friction that could be caused by the way that you behave with your partner. It’s vital that you both act with the utmost integrity and speak up about any possible conflicts of interest, particularly if your work could expose you to any risk of inappropriate collusion.

So long as you work at balancing the professional and the personal, having a trusted partner close at hand can make your day at work a whole lot more pleasant.

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Why do our animal instincts get called on whenever sex comes into play?

By Leyman Publications

Sexual discussions are normally looked at with disdain if not avoided. In this article from Thisisafrica website Anthony Okoth published on October 6, 2016 asks some basic questions that most people avoid to ask — He starts, “We’ve been making excuses for our behaviour for too long. Are we human, or are we animals? Is there really no way to control what we do?”

Basic instinct 

bas2 It’s become widely accepted that people – and guys in particular – cannot control their actions. It’s a very popular train of thought: our animal instincts are so strong that our reasoning and decision-making faculties are powerless to control them.

Welcome to the jungle: everyone is trying to eat.

This view is hilarious at best and infuriating at worst. So many our actions that we carry out every day are based on a logic that would be unattainable if we were truly wild animals of the savannah. So why do our animal instincts get called on whenever sex comes into play?

Creepy leering 

In theory, your eyes get bored with whatever you are looking at after just four seconds. If you spot a good-looking woman, it should only take a few moments for you to fully appreciate her features. But is this the case? No way. Guys will follow a woman’s every movement until she moves hurriedly out of sight. She could be crossing the road and you’d still see a man, probably in a car with his girlfriend beside him, turn and follow her movement instead of watching the road.

And the excuse when their significant other confronts them? “Guys will always look at pretty women. It’s how we’re made.”

Granted, men are visual beings and will notice a beautiful woman. But to crane your neck to the point of pulling a muscle? That’s both unhealthy and crass – not to mention, your partner may decide to deliver a heavy bag across the back of your head. Ouch.

Sex is all around

Sex is all around us. We’re bombarded with it every day through music videos, adverts, billboards, magazines – you name it. So it shouldn’t be a surprise that it fills the waking thoughts of every adult. Or does it? Between work, family, money, traffic, bills and all the other things the average guy has to contend with every day, does sex really take up that much thought space?

But yes, sometimes thoughts turn to actions. And what happens? Cover-ups and deflections:

bas“I was drunk, and my body just took over.”

“I wasn’t going to cheat on you, but I couldn’t help myself.”

“Men always cheat, it’s in their nature.”

The same men who say these things are the same ones who won’t change their football team allegiance no matter how drunk they get. So why are they suddenly powerless when it comes to something as important as fidelity?

The truth is we lack discipline. It takes discipline to not leer at women and objectify them, and to be faithful, or just strict about our sexual activity. But rather than take true responsibility for our failings, we choose the easy way out: we blame a “fault” within ourselves.

We are certainly a generation of animals, but only because logic and responsibility have taken a back seat to impulse.


By Leyman Publications

 We look at what Na M’bado has got for us as a lesson of the day. This is from her facebook words of inspiration on the Celebration Corner page.

“I watched a local football match in a school playing ground. As I sat down, I asked one of the boys what the score was.

blo1 With a smile, he replied; “They are leading us 3-0” !

And I said, REALLY!!  I have to say you don’t look discouraged.

“Discouraged?” the boy asked with a puzzled look … Why should I be discouraged when the referee has not blown the final whistle?

I have confidence in the team and the managers; We shall definitely overcome!

Truly, the match ended 5-4 in favor of the boy’s team!

He waved at me gently, with a beautiful smile as he left; I was amazed, mouth wide open; Such confidence; Such beautiful faith;

finisAs I got back home that night, his question kept coming back to me:

“Why should I be discouraged when the referee has not blown the final whistle?”

Life is like a game.

Why should you be discouraged when The Almighty God is your manager? Why should you be discouraged, whist there’s still life? Why should you be discouraged when your final whistle has not sounded?

The truth is that many people blow the final whistle themselves; But as long as there is life, nothing is impossible and it is never too late for you.

Half time is not full time and HIS calendar for your life is not man’s calendar. Don’t blow the whistle yourself.

BE ENCOURAGED! DON’T GIVE UP.  With God all things are still possible!”

Author: Unknown

# NeverEverGiveUp


By Leyman Publications

We look at what Na M’bado has got for us as a lesson of the day. This is from her facebook words of inspiration on the Celebration Corner page.

1. She First (1st) Lays Enough Eggs before Sitting on them – *GOOD PLANNING.*

2. When She Starts Sitting on Her Eggs, She Minimises Movements – *DISCIPLINE.*

3. She Physically Loses Weight while Sitting on Her Eggs due to Decreased Feeding – *SACRIFICE AND SELF – DENIAL.*

4. She can Sit on Eggs from another Hen – *INDISCRIMINATION AND GENEROSITY.*

5. She Sits on Her Eggs for Twenty One (21) Days, Patiently Waiting, even if they Do not Hatch, She will Lay Eggs Again – *FAITH, HOPE AND NOT DISCOURAGED.*

6. She Detects Unfertilized Eggs and Rolls them Out – *SENSITIVE AND DISCERNING.*

7. She Abandons the Rotten Eggs and Starts Caring for the hatched Chicks even if it is Only One (1) – *WISDOM, CONSCIOUSNESS And REALISTIC.*

chick 8. No One (1) Touches Her Chicks – *PROTECTIVE LOVE.*

9. She Gathers All Her Chicks Together – *UNITY OF PURPOSE.*

10. She cannot Abandon Her Chicks before they Mature – *MENTORSHIP.*


*# Have a blessed day*


By Leyman Publications

We look at what Na M’bado has got for us as a lesson of the day. This is from her facebook words of inspiration on the Celebration Corner page.

Make the call! A young woman at a textile mill was new on the job. A large red warning sign on her sewing machine read,

 “If Your Thread Becomes Tangled, Call the Foreman Immediately.”

After working diligently for an hour or two, suddenly the young worker’s thread became tangled. Fearing the foreman’s reaction at such an early mistake, she thought, “I’ll just quickly straighten this out myself.”

Though she tried desperately to untangle the thread, the situation only worsened. Finally, she had no choice but to call the foreman.

As soon as he arrived, the foreman could tell that the young worker had tried to do some of her own maneuverings before calling him.

 “I did the best I could,” she said.

“No you didn’t,” the foreman replied. “To do the best, you should have called me. Now this sewing machine will need to be repaired. If this happens again, you will be fired.” I cannot begin to tell you how many times I have tried to do something on my own strength. I exhaust myself trying before it becomes clear that I just can’t do it without my Great Foreman.

Thankfully, He hasn’t fired me yet! It may sound radical to say but when we rely on our own strength, really, it is a form of idol worship. We exalt our own strength above the Lord’s. This is unacceptable to a Holy and All-Powerful God. Even our greatest efforts cannot compare with how much more effectively a job can get done if we would only call upon His Name! We are weaklings in need of a great God. We cannot do anything without Him.

Let’s begin putting our trust fully in the Lord today and see great things get accomplished!
Have a blessed day!

MARRIAGE is Like a Shoe

By Leyman Publications

We pick up these tips from facebook on the celebrations Corner group. They were submitted by a subscriber going by the name Na M’bado. These are useful lessons please read carefully;

shoeMARRIAGE is like a shoe. When you wear oversize, be ready to drag it along through out life, and when you wear under-size be ready to feel the pains through out life”.

One thing about marriage is that you don’t drop your shoe or remove it at any point, no matter how painful or how stressful it is. That is why I thought it necessary to write you this letter.

Dear Singles, When you are ready to buy your own shoe please take note of these three things:

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE : Do not look for the beautiful ones, the nice ones or the cheap ones. Look for the one that is your size.

marr2Not every handsome, wealthy or intelligent guy is for you, not every beautiful woman is for you. Look for the one that is meant for you, the one that aligns with your values and belief, the one who you meet at your life’s journey. It is important to know where you’re going in life before you think of getting a wife.

POSITION : All sizes of shoes are not placed in the same place. There is a place for court shoes, laced up shoes, sport footwear, snickers etc. We have Children sizes, young people’s sizes and the adult sizes. Know where to get your own shoe.

Your size cannot be everywhere my brother, your type cannot be everywhere my sister. You cannot be a Christian, and be looking for a wife material at a club. Your wife or husband can’t just be everywhere. Stick to your values and therein you shall find someone like you, but when your values are not defined anyone can just match you. Discover yourself and define your values.

marr4PERCEPTION : In this kind of shoe purchasing enterprise, you are not permitted to try the shoe before you buy. This is why it is important to seek guidance and counselling, from people who have bought shoes before or are into the business of directing people to the right shoes (Pastors and Relationship coaches).

And most importantly to avoid much time wasting time, simply consult the SHOE MANUFACTURER to tell you your size (GOD ALMIGHTY ).

“You do not prepare for wedding, you prepare for marriage.” Ladies these days get so motivated when they attend wedding and they will quickly want to say yes to that guy.

Wait!!! It is not just the wedding oh. The wedding is just one day. After the wedding WHAT NEXT?

Finally, it is not something you rush to the market and just pick a shoe because you like or can purchase it. Ask questions -Where is this shoe made from? (Background) -What’s the size (Values) -How much (His/Her interest) -How long will it last (His/Her Character) -Who made it? (Is she/He of the same faith This is compatibility) -Will it match me? (This is whether he/she love you and will accept you the way you are)

marr3Dear one, remember many are dragging their foot and they would hardly reach their destinies, many are feeling endless pains and wish they could pull off the shoes but no way!!! I have seen people with beautiful shoes and when they show you their foot, you will see scars.

Beloved, it is not about the physical, it is the size, you can’t know the size from afar so come close, build a relationship first but remember ‘you are not permitted to try it before you buy it’.

And for those who have purchased the wrong shoes, you can still make it your size again if you’d consult the manufacturer and let Him have His way in your marriage. God bless us all.



By Our Reporter

SEM Cleaners is a social enterprise sanitation company whose focus is to keep the surrounding of Lilongwe city townships clean. The enterprise was formed by three women: Mrs Emma Mdedza, Mrs Chidule and Mrs Chiudzu. The company is registered with the Malawi government’s Registrar general office.


ll1 SEM cleaners was started by these three women after they attended a Dynamic Business Startup Program (DBSP) class that was run by “Charis Invest and Consult” in Malawi from 4th December, 2015 through 27th February 2016. The program was advertised in the church where SEM founders belong and they saw the need to enrol.

This is from the background that they all had failed in different businesses they were doing and found it proper to acquire business skills. When the training began, the facilitator, Chifuniro Kandaya put emphasis on the fact that one does not need a lot of money to start a business.  “it is a right business idea not a lot of money that one needs to have a successful business” Kandaya taught. The three women realized that their community had uncollected garbage.



Due to rapid increases in the population due to urbanization, the volumes of solid waste generated by residents have quadrupled in recent years. Facilities for disposing of solid waste have been over stretched hence mechanical clearing of solid waste has been rendered inadequate.

Poor waste management policies and practices, inefficient collection and disposal as well as insufficient awareness and negative attitudes to the environment are some of the major problems perpetuating high pollution in Lilongwe city townships.

Solid waste is collected and dumped in landfills. Unfortunately only a fraction of this waste generated can efficiently be collected. Uncontrolled debris clog storm drains flooding of areas surrounding markets of the townships


Instead of waiting for Lilongwe city council, Malawi’s local government entity to buy vehicles that would be collecting waste; SEM saw itself as a solution. They decided to meet the need profitably; turn the problem into a business. Thus they started approaching households at sector 3, area 25 township, Lilongwe, informing them of the service they have; collecting garbage every Monday. In exchange, the residents pay them an equivalent of $7 per month.

ll2They employed two men who help them in the waste collection. They hire a car and collect  the garbage and dump it at a field outside the city. The waste is turned into manure which farmers will be buying.  The three women used the principles they learnt at training. They used their own small reserves of money and started the business. They have now expanded to sectors 3, 7, 8 and area 25c and serving close to 100 clients. They would like to grow and be able to serve 60% of almost two million people of Lilongwe residents. The business is serving the community at the same time generating money for SEM.

However, as a start up, SEM cleaners is facing some challenges. The major challenge is that it does not have vehicle for collecting garbage.  Thus the huge amount of money the enterprise generate is reinvested into hiring of vehicle and fuelling the same. This is expensive on their part. In addition, SEM need various garbage collection equipments such as shovels, shoes ,among others. There they are looking for partners who can invest in their project.

The enterprise would like to reach out to over 60% of Lilongwe residents. It would also like to expand to other cities such as Blantyre, Mzuzu and Zomba. Their heart is to see to it that city dweller are living in a clean environment .




You won’t fail to reach your destiny because someone else failed to help you. You’re the master of your fate. You’re responsible for what happens to you and what becomes of you. Whether happier, prosperous or fulfilled, it’s really all up to you. You have inexhaustible potential in you to achieve your desired end or anything. You’ll only drain it if you begin looking at what people have failed to help you with. So because they failed to help you with such and such and now you’re stagnant; really? If they failed to help you then perhaps you don’t need their help. Who said they are your source of supply anyway?

On your own, if you’re committed and diligent towards realization of your dream you’ll achieve it. You may toil, it will be hard but you will achieve it. However if you involve God, it won’t be as hard! God doesn’t run out of options. He never runs out of ideas. Do you think he can fail to give you an idea that would enable you achieve your dream?

There are permanently existing principles which if one understands and apply them accordingly, he’d get the exact results as those principles were designed to bring. If you’d apply these principles properly, you’d get the same results as anybody in the world would. So what are these principles which anyone can use to realize their dream?


pla a). Desire it

b). Visualize it

c). Speak about it

d). Do something about it


If you claim to desire something yet you don’t think about it on a daily-basis and barely take action, you don’t. You’re rather merely wishing for or liking it. Desire always produces a relative action whether mental or physical. Let the thoughts of your desired end dwell in the quarters of your mind.

JAMES 1:14-15:

“But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death.”

In this scriptural extract, there’s a well outlined principle concerning the relevance of desire. A desire whether negative or positive will definitely result into something. The result thereof will be in accordance with the kind of desire (negative or positive). In this scripture we learn the negative part of a desire.  Wrong desire when tolerated long enough results into sin. Now if a wrong desire can bear a fruit (such as sin) then a good desire can also bear a fruit. That means that if you intend to achieve something, the first thing is to desire it. If you desire it long enough, it will produce a fruit.

TO BE CONTINUED…………………………..

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